To The Black Girl Who's "Too Nice" While Serving In The Military

Disclaimer: Although my page is dedicated to creating safe spaces for Black girls and women, my posts are intended for all genders and ethnicities, regardless of their diversity. I speak from the perspective of a Black woman. However, my posts are relevant to everyone.

This Blog post is an opinionated piece and not based on facts or statistics.

Let's begin.

It doesn't matter where you work. Whether it's a military or civilian job, there will always be work bullies. I know because I've had the opportunity to experience both sides. My goal with this blog post is to create safe environments and retain kind-natured service members, such as myself, who are more approachable. You don't have to be mean-spirited to serve this country or be a leader. All the military asks of you is to be firm but fair. Instead of ending your military career due to toxic leadership and hostile environments, read my post to help you navigate through these spaces. Don't end your career of proudly serving this country only to deal with the same work bullies, toxic leadership, and hostile environments on the civilian side, too. Think of all the benefits and security you'll miss out on before you exit the organization. You'll live to regret it.

First off, you have two strikes against you. It doesn't matter how nice or mean you are; people will always impose their narratives and perceptions upon you. They're going to believe whatever they want to think about you, so don't go out of your way to change it. And on that note,

• Don't change. Do not allow this uniform to harden your interior or exterior. Your spirit will always rattle some demons in people because they're envious of your kind nature. You're Black, and you're female; that doesn't fit the stereotypical box that has been placed upon you. You know, angry, struggling with poverty, and on Welfare, living a hardened life. You're too comfortable. You're too soft, and so is your life. They'll purposefully make life harder for you with unwarranted aggression and hostility by treating you as if you're not deserving of respect. Either because they didn't have it that easy, or they do have it that easy, but you're not supposed to. Could you not allow them to kill your spirit?

• The nicer you are, the dumber they think you are. To some, being hostile may show greater competency. It doesn't. All it shows is that they have to put on a front and pretend like they know what they're doing. In reality, they don't.

• You'll never fit in with your vibrant personality. Most won't even acknowledge your presence in a room to do so much as to even speak to you. You won't have much in common with the people around you anyway, so don't force it.

• You'd prefer to be invisible in most rooms you're in so people won't necessarily cause you any trouble. God forbid if a couple of times you do talk and laugh, they'll automatically deem you "too loud" even though you barely speak throughout the day. It'll never be because you're too loud. Trust me, in this environment, they're usually more audible than you. That "too loud" response is associated with the stereotype by default. It'll be because you opened your mouth at all and are not speaking directly to them, yet you are visibly still in good spirits and not letting anyone kill your spirit with their misery.

• Pretty privilege is a thing. As beautiful as you are, your features do not conform to the European standard of beauty. Therefore, you will not fit into this category, and they will treat you accordingly. Pretty girls in the military will assume that because they're cuter than you, they're more intelligent than you. Here's the gag: mostly everything is given to them because of the pretty girl complex without the work, and for that reason, you're usually the smarter one and cuter one in real life. They'll never admit it.

• Adult bullies are real. Be your kind-spirited self, but don't let anyone walk all over you. They won't like you in the end for it, but they'll respect you. They'll call you sensitive for demanding your respect as an attempt to gaslight you into accepting their abusive behavior when, in reality, they're going out of the way to be disrespectful to you because they feel like they can get away with it, with the assumption that no one will have your back after you've decided to stand up to them and shut them all down.

• You'll find yourself alone for most of your career. You'll be ostracized, isolated, and left to endure solitude willingly. It's a protective mechanism. If no one creates a seat for you at the table, you'll make a seat at your table. If possible, always opt for a private office space alone. Your office will become your safe space for the remainder of your career.

• We may not always win first, but we'll always win. There are rewards and benefits to being a nice person in the military. If someone crosses boundaries with you and goes out of their way to be disrespectful without probable cause, you'll win the case just by being your true, authentic self. They'll have no reason to support why they've created the hostile environment. If you give people enough rope, they'll hang themselves.

  
  

My number one motto in life is to do right by people, to do the right thing when no one is looking, and always to be good to others. Abiding by this motto will protect your entire career to retirement.

Do not allow anyone to chase you out of the military. Serve proudly with a splash of resistance, and always protect your peace.

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