Did We Really Survive R.Kelly? Or Are We Still Trying? Why Protecting The Black Girl Is So Essential

Everyone has been talking about the 6 part documentary series titled "Surviving R. Kelly." Since the first episode aired on January 3, 2019, the documentary has caused a lot of controversy within the Black community. Arguments ignited all over social media due to disagreements, friendships ended because of the indifference of opinions,

and the Black community finally began to acknowledge the unprotected Black girls that live right next door in our neighborhoods. Well, after observing the arguments, the ended friendships, and the point of views from many it is now time to share mine. While we've all decided to point the finger at one person the question remains; Who is really to blame?

LET'S START WITH R. KELLY

There are plenty of reasons he needs to be held accountable for his actions:

1. He is a grown man that knew the law and knew right from wrong despite his background of being molested as a child. Any form of molestation to a child is a form of rape. No excuses.

2. R. Kelly was molested and did not like it. He should have had enough decency not to do it to others.

3. R. Kelly is a narcissist in the flesh. He mentally, physically, and emotionally abused the young girls, until they begin to feel as if the only person they could depend on was him.

In the beginning, the abuser is every girl's dream; loving, charming, and romantic. The victim starts to fall in love with this façade of a person. No sooner than the victim falls in love is when the abuse begins. The narcissist will begin by controlling the victim's every move. She will not breathe, eat, sleep, talk, or think without permission. The victim will then begin to feel ashamed of herself for giving up her power and accepting the abuse. So she isolates from her family and friends to keep her abusive relationship a secret in fear of being judged by her loved ones. Most victims stay in abusive relationships in hopes of returning to the honeymoon phase. They long for the love, charm, and romance that made them fall in love in the very beginning of the cycle. Assuming that this façade of a person indeed did exist, the victims will just about put up with anything to receive that love again; even if it kills them.

NEXT UP, WE HAVE THE "DEVOTING" PARENTS

Where were the parents? Why did the parents feel that it was okay to leave their underaged daughters in the care of grown men that they barely even knew? Was it

because he was R. Kelly the superstar?

The parents are much to blame in this situation for a couple of reasons:

1. Their daughters were underaged and needed parental supervision. The parents didn't care.

2. If the parents knew what happened between R. Kelly and Aaliyah dating all the way back to 1994, then they should have never decided to work with R. Kelly whether they

would be there for supervision or not.

The parents were just as star struck as their daughters. Often we will turn a blind eye to one's wrongdoing when we're huge fans of the celebrity. By the time the family discovers that the rumors are true their daughters are already damaged and nonrepairable. Any parent that would instead accept hush money or put fame before their child is as much at fault as the perpetrator. Black mothers, we have to start protecting our beautiful little Queens from the society that didn't

protect us. Words do not exceed actions. Just telling children what or what not to do and allowing them to sneak behind your back while failing from their own mistakes does not equate to laying down the law and incorporating consequences for disobeying commands that were meant to protect them. In other words, BEAT THAT A**. Don't continue failed traditions; break the cycle and be the difference.

ADDRESSING THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM ... "THE SURVIVORS"

Now before you all jump on me let me start by saying that I was once a teenager, born and raised on the South side of Chicago, with aspirations of becoming a singer. I have much of the same background as the women in the documentary. I too was hungry for fame. I was determined to be discovered by any celebrity that would listen to my music. The difference between them and myself is that I refused to sell my soul for it. My producer, who was 7-years older than me, came on to me from the time I was 15-years-old until I was 18-years-old. When I was finally of legal age, he admitted that he liked me since I was younger. When I told my Manager, he said "Do what you have to do to keep him." I dropped both of them and ended both contracts. Rule #1 in the music industry: Never mix business with pleasure. So my point of view is not a case of victim blaming nor is it coming from an evil place; it's coming from experience. We've all learned at a very young age that if the stove is hot don't touch it. If you decide to reach for it while knowing it's hot, then you're going to get burned. These young girls got burned. The girls in the documentary are now women. They are about the same age as me if not older. If I was able to look at a situation and determine that it wasn't safe as a teenager without parental guidance then why couldn't they? Life is all about choices even at a young age. Most of the young ladies in the series stated that they heard about his past rumors but chose to believe it although it was shown publicly for the world to see. So they worked with him anyway in hopes of becoming big stars. One girl admitted to showing up to his court dates while he was on trial for sodomizing and molesting Sparkle's 14-year-old niece. The caution signs were visible with this man before the young ladies decided to get involved with him. They chased him anyway, and he took advantage of them.

Look, I know what it's like to be a young, naïve teenager that makes mistakes. You think you have all the answers and you think you know everything only to get involved in a situation that you can't fix. I am not one to judge. As young girls, we have all been where they were at some point and had made terrible decisions that have altered our lives forever. Now how you choose to learn from those decisions solemnly depends on you. In this case, the difference between a victim and a survivor is that a victim is currently in an abusive relationship and chooses by default to stay in that environment until she's had enough. A survivor has decided to walk away from the abusive relationship. A survivor continues to heal from experience and move forward. Will you choose to be a victim? Or a true survivor?

In conclusion, everyone needs to be held accountable for their actions and decisions. R. Kelly, his management, his employees, the parents of the survivors, and the survivors need to take full responsibility for the choices they made. Black Kings and Black Queens we must learn to start protecting our children by having specific "talks" and disciplining them instead of trying to be their friends. As the old school saying goes "It takes a village to raise a village." Let's start by raising the awareness of protecting our own. It begins at home.

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