Black Girl, Suicide Is Real; Save Yourself First.

Three years ago I lost a guy I was dating to suicide. Nine years prior I took a psychology course in College that saved my life three years ago.

Here is my story.

I met what I thought to be a young man at a Chicago skating rink on 87th St. in January of 2016. For the first four months we only started as alternate skate partners when my original skate partner would have to work on Sundays; nothing more. He taught me the skate moves I've mastered today; mainly the big wheel. I couldn't do it to save my life. I was grateful to him for the new skating tricks.

One day in April we got hungry and decided to hit up Harold's Chicken on 87th and the Dan Ryan after a skate night. It got romantic but luckily for me, I am more observant than I am trusting, so I instantly feed strangers with a long-handled spoon. Harold's chicken dates quickly turned into The Cheesecake factory downtown, the Buckingham fountain, and so forth. It was too much fun. Almost too good to be true. Scurlock Holmes was on the job by May. Scurlock Holmes is me; I am Scurlock Holmes. We never added each other on Facebook because I have a rule where I don't add strangers to my page unless I know you personally. Well eventually I did add him, and he blocked his friend's list from me and all of his photo albums including mobile uploads. I was only able to see his profile pics and cover photos. So by May I finally started asking questions.

This man was not in his late 30s as I had assumed. He was 49-years-old and looked younger than he was.

My age limit is ten years older than me; NOT 25.

He had two children and decided to omit their ages (because it wasn't necessary).

He also claimed to had been separated from his wife.

I guess you all are wondering "Why didn't she ask all of this before May?" Well, because I have a habit of not taking people seriously until I decide to take them seriously. I didn't care to ask at the time cause I wasn't interested in him.

I got sneaky and asked for the kid's names, and he told me. Scurlock Holmes ended up finding his daughter on Facebook. The girl was born on March 28, 1991. A year before me. We have the same birthdate.

After learning all of this info from him of course, I dropped him faster than you can blink.

I told him

1. I don't date married men whether you are separated or not.

2. You're older than BOTH my parents.

3. Your son is three years older than me, and your daughter is merely the same age as me.

Praise the Lord it never got physically intimate because there was no telling what else he was "Omitting."

He did not take me ending it with him very lightly. That's when I discovered he would either hurt me or hurt his self. He was two different people: Dr. Jekeil and Mr. Hyde in the flesh. Luckily when I broke it off, we were in a restaurant with an audience. All of a sudden he loved me, was obsessed with me, wanted us a have a home together, got really depressed, couldn't live without me, I was his only happiness, he wanted to be a sex therapist, and a host of other signs that I learned in my Psychology class to watch for in people with mental illness.

My instincts proved me right. The man ended up renting out a studio apartment for us off 35th and King Drive on June 15 that next month. I was livid. I never asked for anything he gave me — the showering of the gifts nor that apartment. I don't even like having roommates so what made him think I wanted to shack with him? I felt obligated, forced, and manipulated.

But I didn't fold. I was 26-years-old at the time, but I wasn't stupid. When I say something, I stand on it.

Here it is Sunday, Father's Day. June 19, 2016. Four days later after he signed the lease of this unwanted living arrangement.

I knew that day I had to tell him the truth because I was supposed to have officially decided to move in that next day on Monday.

I waited until I was safe at my Grandparents house. I called him and ended it for good leaving anything I possessed behind in the apartment with him. I didn't want to go back; I just wanted out. I told him I wasn't moving in because I felt uncomfortable and that I did not want to continue dating him. I bid my goodbyes and planned on never seeing him again outside of skating.

He never responded.

Hours later I get a text from him saying to come back to the apartment because it was a state of emergency and that he loved me. I didn't think anything of it. Maybe he hurt his leg and couldn't move or some other medical attention. So I took the spare key he gave me and flew down King drive 15 mins flat from 87th To 35th.

As I am trying to get through the door with my key, the Police are searching for the same apartment that I'm trying to enter. The Police were doing a welfare check on him, I’m assuming, because he had sent alarming messages to his immediate family and one of them decided to call 911.

He was still alive. He didn't die until 30 mins after the ambulance arrived.

For three years I blamed myself for his suicide because I broke it off with him knowing that he possessed signs of mental illness.

For three years I always believed that had I got in that door with my key in those 30 minutes of him breathing I'd be dead too. I could have either been dead or framed for murder.

For three years I never told a soul that I ended things between us on the day he killed his self because I felt that If his wife could blame me for the same reason I blamed myself, then my closest friends and family would blame me too.

I had anxiety for a long time because I didn't want to be judged by my loved ones for this entire situation, so I held in a lot of emotions. BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY GOD! There is a happy ending. See, the week before it happened I went to church, confessed to the Lord, and prayed for a way out so that I can focus on his purpose for me.

June 19, 2016, he suicided.

July 1, 2016, almost two weeks later, I got an email from the Army about working full time for the government in the Active Guard Reserve Program. I was already struggling with finding employment that paid enough for me to live on my own in Chicago so God's timing couldn't have been more perfect.

September 16, 2016, I moved to Knoxville, TN to start my career and left all of this behind me.

For the past three years, God has blessed me with favor. I waited seven months for that email. My God is an on time God. He will snatch people out of your life that is not meant to go where he is taking you. Sometimes his blessings may come in the form of pain but trust him with the faith of a mustard seed because he has the power to heal you as fast as he had to hurt you.

I didn't care much for HOW God removed him out of my life, but I can shamelessly say that I am still happy that he did remove him out of my life. The bible says that when you commit adultery, it is punishable by death. We are not perfect, and because of that, it is best to know your word before you sin. You will look up one day and bring the words to life. People can look down on willing participants of single people that sleep with married people, but the bible never said anything about single people sinning and condoning in adultery. The SPOUSE made that commitment. Now take that to the King.

My message to all women is to research mental illness. Study the signs. If you are in College take up the psychology course. Protect your peace. Protect your energy. Be observant before you are trusting; if it seems like its too good to be true, then it probably is. Lastly, understand that you do not need to put yourself in harm's way all for a man. Also, you do not need to be with a married man, or anyone else's man for that matter, to feel worthy. Wait on God. He will bless you with your King. You can do bad ALL by yourself. Believe it or not, suicide can be a form of mental abuse that narcissist will use to manipulate a S.O who no longer wants to be in a relationship. Know when to choose yourself before looking out for the well being of others.

Three years later I am happier than I've ever been and I am blessed.

God is real.

This message is my testimony, and I am signing out.

Black girl, live in your truth.

My prayers will forever remain with his family. May God continue to bless them with healing and prosperity. In Jesus name.

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