Apologies, To My Inner Black Child

I'm sorry for not trying hard enough to succeed with my earned degree in College. If I had tried just a little harder in College, right now, I could be the next Free and A.J with my own 106th & Park Music Video Countdown TV Show, or I could be the next Aaliyah with my music career. I was afraid to chase my dreams because I didn't have the money to support them.

I'm sorry for all the men I've dated that came into your life and broke your heart. It was very clumsy of me, and I should have done more to protect you. Those men never deserved to be in the presence of such a beautiful, fun, loving, and joyful little Black girl such as yourself. You have so much personality with a smile so bright it can light up a whole room. They dimmed that light in you my inner child, and I regret ever letting them get that close to you to cause you so much pain.

I'm sorry for moving away from Illinois and exposing you to all the evils of narcissism and racism that I've endured in the past four years. I had the opportunity to accept a job offer at home in a suburb right outside of Chicago, but I didn't take it. Instead, I left home during a vulnerable time in my life when I should have stayed close to home for family support. I had just lost someone, which I thought was a friend, to suicide three months before I moved away. Instead of dealing with the pain, I ran away from it and left the State. I introduced you to more heartache when I moved to Knoxville, TN, for work, and it's been a traumatic experience for you ever since. Your family did not raise you to see color, my sweet baby. Unfortunately, you had to endure the trauma of others because they saw nothing more than the complexion of your skin when they see you. I know, I ruined your childhood. Evil racist monsters do exist, and I am sorry for exposing you to them.

I've continuously disappointed you with my adult decisions, my precious girl, and for that, I am deeply sorry.

But here's where the sorry's end, My inner Black child, you came to me in a dream one night, and it was the first time I've seen you alive since I was your age. I seen the sorrow in your face, I felt the sadness in your heart, and I saw the hurt in your big pretty black eyes. I felt deep remorse. I woke up from that dream with a new desire to protect you more than I ever have in my life.

I'm 30-years-old now Black child and more resilient and resistant than I've ever been! I picked up a microphone again. Yes! I've started back singing! I have a YouTube series titled "Chemistry Novel's 'Music In My Living Room'" and it's doing good! I've also created a new media Blog titled "Chocolate Caramel Shea Butter ... For Black Girls," just like you. The dreams I used to have so long ago of being famous are slowly but surely starting to manifest, and I have YOU to thank for that. You've allowed me to dream again the moment I visualized you. You're my angel!

My sweet innocent baby, I will nurture you. I will nourish you. And I will guard you with every breath in my body. I will never intentionally hurt you again. My precious, I got you. You're not alone anymore; We've got each other now.

To my inner Black child, I love you so much.

Please forgive me.

Chocolate Caramel Shea Butter ...

for Black girls

Apologies, To My Inner Black Child

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